What’s your secret?


I love my wife and I believe that we are happy. That happiness takes work as marriage should. Also, it’s not always a love fest: there are good times and bad times. But people see the good times and often time ask us the age old question: “what’s your secret?” Welp…for the first time, never before revealed anywhere, I am about to tell you our secret….here it is folks…



Seriously. We don’t. We we do have is a dedication to being fresh. Not THAT kind of fresh! (well actually, yes, that kind of fresh too but that’s a different blog!) What I am referring to is keeping the relationship fresh. We draw inspiration from everywhere and we try tons of things. Sometimes we will do regular date nights. When that gets difficult, we try love notes. If that becomes corny, we try journaling. And some times it’s multiple things.

The point is that we enjoy the great experiences that make being marriage fun and we pay attention to the times that will need some attention. Why? The truth is that the rough patches tend to multiply and string together if left unattended. Before you know it, you’ve spent a month being pissed at each other and you’re wondering why you liked spending time with this person.  When you are having fun with each other, talk about how you can CONTINUE to have fun. It’s much tougher to do that when you are struggling to smile. It’s like food shopping when you’re hungry. You’ll make BAD decisions!  Actually that might be the secret!

You heard it here first…

Incest, Gay Marriage and Arranged Marriage: Convo With A Five Year Old

Lady C: Mommy did you know that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys?
Aisha: I did know that, where did you learn that?
Lady C: Pre-K… I can’t remember which classmate. So that means I can marry a girl if I want to?
Aisha: You sure could. You should marry someone you love.
Lady C: Great, so does that mean we can get married?
Aisha: No… you can’t marry a member of your family.
Lady C: So I can’t marry grandma either?
Aisha: Nope.
Lady C: Fine. I will marry a boy. Mom, can you find me a nice boy to marry some day? I don’t think I will be able to find a boy to marry.
Aisha: I sure will. That would be my pleasure.
Lady C: You’re the best mom.


And…. that was a conversation I had with Lady C the other night out of the blue. Lately she is quite intrigued with family compositions and particularly intrigued by gay and lesbian families. I was not surprised that she mentioned she learned about different families in her Pre-K class because her school embraces diversity in all respects including family composition.

It’s an interesting discussion though and layered because first she starts with the idea of marrying someone of the same sex. But when I told her she should marry someone she loves, her mind immediately went to family which I thought was ADORABLE!! That’s what love is to her… family. Best part though, her asking me to find her a husband – ha! I’m keeping this blog forever so that when she brings home that person that I don’t approve of when she’s 22 I can tell her that I have right of refusal… I hope she buys that.

Anyone else having conversations with their little ones about family composition and marriage? What would you say if your child asks if they can marry someone of the same sex. Are you ready to have that conversation?