Daddy Fails – Dude You’re Making Us Look Bad!

So here’s the thing: men screw up all the time. In fact, in the dictionary under the word “man”, the definition reads:

“creature prone to screwing up”

Don’t bother to look it up. Just trust me on this one…

Anyway, when those men become daddies, their screw ups become immortalized as Daddy Fails. All of us fathers have committed them. Some of us are better at it than others. Some of us are down right pathetic!

Here is my attempt to help those poor saps who are struggling:

DO learn how to comb your child’s hair ESPECIALLY if you have a girl. Please learn a simple braid, or how to make a bun, or how to put a barrette in their hair.
DO NOT pick up a hair magazine and try to mimic one of those styles! Please do not attempt to create a faux-hawk with enough gel to clog up the Suez Canal! We will talk about you, simpleton!

DO learn how to operate your child’s stroller. It is NOT intuitive, no matter how easy it looks.
DO NOT let the first time that you attempt to open a new stroller be in front of your boys. It is not a pretty sight. Ask me how I know…

DO take an active role in your child’s extra curricular activities and play chauffeur to their many practices.
DO NOT show up with your child completely unprepared for the aforementioned activities. Don’t  show up to swim practice with your child still wearing jeans and timbs at the pool. Put the swimming suit, ballet outfit, or costume on at HOME … not 5 minutes before the class is supposed to start, moron!

DO be responsible and feed your kids on the regular schedule if your wife/partner leaves town and entrusts you with the care of your miniature humans.
DO NOT have those meals consist of fries and chicken nuggets, three times a day for 5 days straight, yuh lazy lima bean (shout out to In Living Color)! When your kids gain 10 pounds mysteriously in your partner’s absence you gon’ have some ‘splanin ta do!!

Lastly, and seriously…
DO place your children in a high priority in your life. Remember: they’re counting on you.
DO NOT forget that your partner needs your attention too! It’s easy to become super parents and forget that there is an adult that you are in a relationship with too. Save some (a lot) of love for them too!

Hopefully, this short list saves some new dad some anguish.

What’s the worst “Daddy Fail” that you have ever seen?
What would be different, if anything, if it were a MOTHER that you saw struggling with these things?

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Hey Mister! What do YOU do?

So we are country of hustlers. Everyone has a side job, or a cottage industry on Etsy.com, or some sort of freelance project these days. Born out the bad economy, people became creative when it came to making ends meet. I even published a book about NYC hustlers called “Hustle City“…shameless plug…buy it on Amazon….

I am no different though. I have been a college administrator for 20 years now (I know I don’t look that old…right!…right?!?!). I have an established career with respect from my peers.

But that’s not all folks!

I have also established myself as a pretty good photographer, if i do say so myself. I have a healthy clientele and I have published two books while currently working on two more (PS see me if you like to wear bow ties).

So where am I going with all of this?

Today I participated in career fair in my fraternity Brother’s school. Streams of students mulled by my table and asked the same question:

“Hey Mister! What do YOU do?”

And then I had to stop and think: what is going to be interesting to these 4th and 5th graders? Then again, maybe I should be telling them about the career that will inspire them…well which one is that? LOL Lord knows I dare not try to explain having two careers to them! I could see their little eyes start to glaze over at THAT prospect!

Well I chose to tell them about being a photographer and all that went into it. They seemed very interested in the pictures that I showed them and how I created the images. They wanted to know if I took pictures of famous people so I mentioned Chris Brown and Mariah Carey. I lost them, though, when I talked about New Edition and Uncle Charlie!!

I started to wonder: what does Lady C think her daddy does? She knows I’m a photographer and she knows which college I work for, but what does she think I DO there? If asked, which job would she choose?

What do your kids think you do?
You should ask them and
tell me what happens?
I’d love to hear the responses!

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*Warning* Bare Breasts Ahead (Don’t Worry – Safe to Open)

Note: There will be no pictures of boobage in this blog post… sorry! But we are going to TALK boobage…

This weekend the GreenEs attended the BEST African dance festival and bazaar around, DanceAfrica. DanceAfrica is a celebration of the rich cultural heritage of Africa and the African diaspora.  The celebration features a massive street fair near the Brooklyn Academy of Music with vendors from around the world showcasing fashion, food, music and crafts. The highlight of the celebration is the performance at BAM featuring dance companies from around within Brooklyn, the United States and around the globe.

This year’s headliner was Afro-Brazilian dance troupe Balé Folclórico da Bahia, the only professional folk dance company in Brazil, AND THEY WERE AMAZING. The troupe of dancers, musicians, and singers performed a repertory based on Bahian folkloric dances of African origin: slave dances, capoeira, and samba.32124_DanceAfrica_613x463

Yesterday, we discussed the show with a family friend and one thing in particular came up – the women were bare chested for a few of the dance performances and we explored the following question:

Should there have been a warning of some kind for parents of small children that there would be partial nudity in the program?

We don’t think so but then again we are a family that nursed children exclusively for over a year and bare chests are frequent in our home. We don’t cringe when we see nursing mothers go uncovered which happens a lot in NYC parks and play areas. Also, we just viewed it as part of the cultural experience, but… we understood our friend’s point – not every parent or child would be ready for that moment.

How did our kids respond? Well, when Lady C saw the breasts there was zero reaction. But when one woman came out in a halter top she exclaimed, “I SEE HER BELLY BUTTON” – HA!

What do you think? Should the parents receive a warning? How would you feel as a parent if there was a performance with partial nudity and your children were with you?

White House Easter Egg Roll 2015

The White House Easter Egg Roll is an annual event held on the White House Lawn every Easter Monday. Each year there is a lottery to attend the event.

Every year for the past six years I have applied.

Every year I get NOTHING.

This year I applied and got NOTHING.

Then one day my Mommy Twin called and said… “I have extra tickets… do you want them” … and I nearly cried because I felt so lucky.

*Side note* All you purposely anti-social people, please get friends... real good friends are always helping you and you 
will return the favor too and maybe make someone happy... it is a great thing.

So – This year Lady C and I were able to go and experience the egg roll on the White House lawn – YAY. It is a massive event filled with activities, arts and crafts, performances, picture opportunities, etc…. there is too much to do and not enough time so you have to decide how to use the time. We heard a rumor that President Obama was going to speak while we were there and were lucky enough to be able to see him and the First Lady.

This year’s theme was #GimmeFive in celebration of the fifth anniversary of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move campaign. Throughout the event there were activities, giveaways and information encouraging children to lead healthy, active lives.

My blurry picture of POTUS - yay!

My blurry picture of POTUS – yay!

Truth be told – we never got a chance to do the actual egg roll because the line was loooooong and it would have been the only thing we did but we filled our time quite nicely:

* Yoga class

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* Pictures with characters (and by the way the kids were way more impressed with the Octonauts than the First Family)

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* Making craft projects and getting tattoos

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* Visiting the First Lady’s Garden

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*Planting their own fruits and veggies

*Watching the First Lady perform with the cast of So You Think You Can Dance

We had a nice time and at the end each child received a souvenir egg that they can cherish. I would totally do this again and hopefully we can so Lady H can experience it too. Next year, be sure to check out Recreation.gov for your opportunity to enter the lottery and experience a great event with your little ones.

Aisha 

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Hello Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Costume Memory Lane

If you know the GreenEs you know that we love to dress up for Halloween as a family unit. Since our first daughter was born we have picked a theme and all dressed up together and we are ready to go for 2014 too! Each year we find it more and more difficult to choose a costume given our older daughter’s “opinion” about what she should be. Just like every other little girl, she wants to be Elsa or Anna from Frozen but… oh well, on Halloween we have a bit of a dictatorship.

Nope – we are not revealing our costumes in advance… you have to wait until October 31 to see what the Greenes will be but let’s take a walk down memory lane to see some of our prior costumes.

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It all started in Year One – October 2009. Wizard of Oz… please note Mr. GreenE commitment…. in sweat pants LOL… Sometimes you have to work with what you have!

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October 2010 – inspired by Aisha’s favorite musical we dressed as the cast of Grease. Yes, we know Hayden looks like Elvis but he’s actually Danny. Aisha is Sandy (pleather pants owww) and Lady C was a pink lady!

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October 2011 – The year we dressed up as Austin Powers, Dr. Evil and Mini-me. Pretty sure that Lady C will never forgive us for putting her in a bald cap but look – we MUST commit to the costume!

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October 2012 – Mario, Luigi and a Mushroom. Aisha was pregnant with Lady H so a costume that worked around the growing belly was crucial.

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October 2013. The first time Lady H had the pleasure of experiencing Halloween with the Greenes… she hates us too. We present- Gru, Agnes, a good minion and an evil minion.

Do you and your family dress up for Halloween? What are some of the cutest family costumes you have seen. What do you think the Greenes will be this year?

eta: October 2014 family costume – Annie

Miss Hannigan, Sandy, Daddy Warbucks and Annie

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Underbed Reading Nook

Our house has the smallest bedrooms ever. So much so that when it came time to think of converting Lady C’s room into more of a big girl room, we just kinda shook our heads as to what to do because any bed we put in the room would literally make it a BED room.

Our kids don’t really play in their rooms mostly because they are small – they usually play in the basement which we refuse to refer to as their playroom only because it admits defeat – not because it is not the truth. As Lady C starts to age, we want her to have a little space for solitude so in researching beds for small spaces we came across the fab idea of a loft bed and we purchased one recently.

Here is a picture of the loft bed we ordered (note, that’s not our house):

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Desk space: Check! 

Dresser space: Check!

Bookshelf space: Check!

Bed: Check!

Loft beds are kinda awesome – they have all sorts of nooks and crannies and storage spaces including tons of under bed space. Our loft bed came equipped with a chest of drawers which we pushed under the bed at first just like the picture but Lady C protested and asked for a Reading Nook…. and who are we to turn down such a fab request. So we pulled that chest of drawers out. We took her old toddler mattress and tossed it under the bed, got a small rug, grabbed some pillows from around the house, strung lights under the mattress frame and created a pin board of book jackets…. and VOILE! Reading Nook!

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In her Reading Nook in an Elsa costume… I mean, isn’t that the life?

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Try not to judge the extension cord… we are working on the fine details… just want you to see a shot of the bulletin board of book covers.

wpid-20140917_201240.jpgHope she loves it! She better! Here is a picture of Hayden stringing up lights in the small space… struggle.

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If you are looking for cool ideas on decorating or creating a reading nook – look —– here.