Daddy confessions.

I had decided to use this forum to air out some of my dirty laundry. I have some confessions to make and I think I should ask for forgiveness from our readers… Le Sigh…here I go…

I hide from my family sometimes. 
Now I don’t mean that I go out for milk and return 3 months later. Or say that I’m going to hang out with some friends and then don’t return for 6 years. Nothing crazy like that. I hide in my kitchen!
I…I…ummm…errr…
Wash dishes!
See we have a traditionally formatted house so if I’m in the kitchen then I can escape for 5 minutes to reset my brain! And even though washing dishes is my MOST HATED chore, it’s a perfect reason to escape to the man cave…ummmm …I mean the kitchen. I’ve heard my wife hides in the bathroom but who am I to judge!

I assassinate balloons.
My kids LOVE balloons. I mean, if there is a helium filled orb in a 1 mile radius, these girls go crazy!  I, on the other hand, DESPISE balloons! Just call me the Grinch of Inflatable Objects. So when balloons get to the house, overnight they seem to lose their ability float! It’s like they all develop a tiny leak at the base of the knot and within a day they’re completely flat! It’s soooooo weird! My kids can’t figure it out and neither can I. I think Aisha is onto me though.

I have opposite views about snow.
Here is my Lady C’s reaction to snow:
“YAAAAAAY!!!!”
Here is MY reaction to snow:
“@#$^&”)@&@^%$!!!!!” 
She thinks about snow angels and going down the slide into the backyard into a pile of fluffy snow. I, however, think of shoveling, scraping, salting the pathways. AND I hate the cold (you may remember I’m Trini!) so snow is a reminder that I don’t live in the tropics any more!  I make every excuse not to go outside, including, but not limited to, “It’s too cold outside”, “The snow is too wet”, or “Daddy’s back is killing him”! Almost none of these excuse are ever actually true. Don’t judge me. I suck it up at least once a season and go pretend like snow is cool.

I lie about batteries.
Inevitable a noisy, annoying toy makes its way into the Greene house and of course, it will be the girl’s most favorite thing…and the reason for multiple headaches on my part. Fortunately, most of the toys run on batteries which means that they eventually die. That’s where my sinister actions take over. Rather than replace the batteries, I put on the saddest voice I can and say, “Oh nooooo! The blah blah blah toy is BROKEN!! Let’s put it over there with the rest of the ‘broken’ toys. So sad!” Shhh…this plan is flawless…for now.

I know. I know. This make me a horrible father. I hope you all can forgive me. However, I am sure you have some stuff that you have to confess too! I can’t be alone…I hope!

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5 thoughts on “Daddy confessions.

  1. Weyatta says:

    I HOLLERED reading this post because I can soooo relate. Yes, I no longer bring home batteries because I know DH won’t buy them. I hide in the bathroom though. Kitchen is NOT my place. Snow, yeah being African and married to a Jamaican, we chose to remain in Florida because of that word.

    I have to cop your balloon strategy though. I mean I buy them, but I can’t stand them all over my house. I’ve been waiting for the Vday balloons to die already!

    I hide all the clothes and shoes they have been gifted that I feel are inappropriate. The wigs for all these princesses also mysteriously disappear.

    I drain their iPads when I’m too lazy to get up and charge mine and stay silent when they are blaming each other. I mean, they are soooo disciplined with plugged up their devices for charging. 🙂

    I know I am not the only one who shows them gross pictures of food that are from “McDonalds” and chain restaurants I despise so they never ask to go there.

    I borrow their allowance money and I am glad when they want a loan to buy something in the store because I forgot to put their “dollars” back in their spending money spot.

    I’m glad to have hit the blog this morning. The Greene’s rock.

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